Myself

I've tried to find words that can explain myself correctly. I've used so many times to reflect myself so that i can know exactly who really i am. And i can't stop my self from thinking just to figure out, what kind of person when people looking at me and thinking about me. I didn't get the answer yet. It doesn't mean that i don't know who am i totally, but i mean, there's no perfect word to explain me, the real me.

I've read the book about personality and others. But i'm not satisfy. I talked with many people and hope they can help me to answer my complicated question. I just get nothing out there.
So, i decided, to forget that case for a while, enjoy my time with friends and filling my day with some fun activities. I'm succeed! for a while. Yes.

After that, when i'm alone with no job. My mind keep speak to my self, what kind of person i am. Oh God, i think it's so worst. Why so serious about that feeling? One time, i try to be silent at all. I keep my mind, feeling, and mouth silent. I'm just listening and be quite. I'm looking at surrounding, see people, listen what they talk, and keep silent. And Wow... something's surprising me! i learn something. I can see my self clearly at other people. When people talk about theirselves or show me their attitude, i do reflections. The way i look them are the same way when i look myself. I found the same and also the the differences.

That's why we called human because we have the same 'basic' character (Psikis-ind) as human. Based on the basic character, everybody has a unique character. So, we are different individually. I get the key. What's the different between me and other people? Yeah i know the answer. Why the Creator creates human with different names? what happened if all of us have the same character? I think that's the point to have a good explanations about my own self. And also to explain others. I'm unique. I'm so special. God creates me detail. He want me like this. My eyes, my face, my hair, my smile, my voice, my feeling, my brain size, which different with my mom, my dad, my friends. I have my own name. More than it, i have my special talent that so precious for HIM. My talent is not for my honor and proud. My talent is my war weapon to serve and glorify Him by His way, His grace, and i want to be like what He want. What happened if i change my special talent with other? Can i be His warrior with the 'wrong' weapon? I think i'm gonna die. I'm useless! so, don't try to be others. Just be yourself.

How about yourself? did you ever ask the same question to your own self? why God creates you? different with other people even with me? Different in physics, taste, feeling, the way we think and so on. You explain yourself!